THE TENANT OF WILDFELL HALL, by Anne Bronte (1848)
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CHAPTER XXXI
March 20th, 1824. The dreaded time is come, and Arthur is gone, as
I expected. This time he announced it his intention to make but a
short stay in London, and pass over to the Continent, where he
should probably stay a few weeks; but I shall not expect him till
after the lapse of many weeks: I now know that, with him, days
signify weeks, and weeks months.
July 30th. - He returned about three weeks ago, rather better in
health, certainly, than before, but still worse in temper. And
yet, perhaps, I am wrong: it is I that am less patient and
forbearing. I am tired out with his injustice, his selfishness and
hopeless depravity. I wish a milder word would do; I am no angel,
and my corruption rises against it. My poor father died last week:
Arthur was vexed to hear of it, because he saw that I was shocked
and grieved, and he feared the circumstance would mar his comfort.
When I spoke of ordering my mourning, he exclaimed, - 'Oh, I hate
black! But, however, I suppose you must wear it awhile, for form's
sake; but I hope, Helen, you won't think it your bounden duty to
compose your face and manners into conformity with your funereal
garb. Why should you sigh and groan, and I be made uncomfortable,
because an old gentleman in -shire, a perfect stranger to us both,
has thought proper to drink himself to death? There, now, I
declare you're crying! Well, it must be affectation.'
He would not hear of my attending the funeral, or going for a day
or two, to cheer poor Frederick's solitude. It was quite
unnecessary, he said, and I was unreasonable to wish it. What was
my father to me? I had never seen him but once since I was a baby,
and I well knew he had never cared a stiver about me; and my
brother, too, was little better than a stranger. 'Besides, dear
Helen,' said he, embracing me with flattering fondness, 'I cannot
spare you for a single day.'
'Then how have you managed without me these many days?' said I.
'Ah! then I was knocking about the world, now I am at home, and
home without you, my household deity, would be intolerable.'
'Yes, as long as I am necessary to your comfort; but you did not
say so before, when you urged me to leave you, in order that you
might get away from your home without me,' retorted I; but before
the words were well out of my mouth, I regretted having uttered
them. It seemed so heavy a charge: if false, too gross an insult;
if true, too humiliating a fact to be thus openly cast in his
teeth. But I might have spared myself that momentary pang of self-
reproach. The accusation awoke neither shame nor indignation in
him: he attempted neither denial nor excuse, but only answered
with a long, low, chuckling laugh, as if he viewed the whole
transaction as a clever, merry jest from beginning to end. Surely
that man will make me dislike him at last!
Sine as ye brew, my maiden fair,
Keep mind that ye maun drink the yill.
Yes; and I will drink it to the very dregs: and none but myself
shall know how bitter I find it!
August 20th. - We are shaken down again to about our usual
position. Arthur has returned to nearly his former condition and
habits; and I have found it my wisest plan to shut my eyes against
the past and future, as far as he, at least, is concerned, and live
only for the present: to love him when I can; to smile (if
possible) when he smiles, be cheerful when he is cheerful, and
pleased when he is agreeable; and when he is not, to try to make
him so; and if that won't answer, to bear with him, to excuse him,
and forgive him as well as I can, and restrain my own evil passions
from aggravating his; and yet, while I thus yield and minister to
his more harmless propensities to self-indulgence, to do all in my
power to save him from the worse.
But we shall not be long alone together. I shall shortly be called
upon to entertain the same select body of friends as we had the
autumn before last, with the addition of Mr. Hattersley and, at my
special request, his wife and child. I long to see Milicent, and
her little girl too. The latter is now above a year old; she will
be a charming playmate for my little Arthur.
September 30th. - Our guests have been here a week or two; but I
have had no leisure to pass any comments upon them till now. I
cannot get over my dislike to Lady Lowborough. It is not founded
on mere personal pique; it is the woman herself that I dislike,
because I so thoroughly disapprove of her. I always avoid her
company as much as I can without violating the laws of hospitality;
but when we do speak or converse together, it is with the utmost
civility, even apparent cordiality on her part; but preserve me
from such cordiality! It is like handling brier-roses and may-
blossoms, bright enough to the eye, and outwardly soft to the
touch, but you know there are thorns beneath, and every now and
then you feel them too; and perhaps resent the injury by crushing
them in till you have destroyed their power, though somewhat to the
detriment of your own fingers.
Of late, however, I have seen nothing in her conduct towards Arthur
to anger or alarm me. During the first few days I thought she
seemed very solicitous to win his admiration. Her efforts were not
unnoticed by him: I frequently saw him smiling to himself at her
artful manoeuvres: but, to his praise be it spoken, her shafts
fell powerless by his side. Her most bewitching smiles, her
haughtiest frowns were ever received with the same immutable,
careless good-humour; till, finding he was indeed impenetrable, she
suddenly remitted her efforts, and became, to all appearance, as
perfectly indifferent as himself. Nor have I since witnessed any
symptom of pique on his part, or renewed attempts at conquest upon
hers.
This is as it should be; but Arthur never will let me be satisfied
with him. I have never, for a single hour since I married him,
known what it is to realise that sweet idea, 'In quietness and
confidence shall be your rest.' Those two detestable men, Grimsby
and Hattersley, have destroyed all my labour against his love of
wine. They encourage him daily to overstep the bounds of
moderation, and not unfrequently to disgrace himself by positive
excess. I shall not soon forget the second night after their
arrival. Just as I had retired from the dining-room with the
ladies, before the door was closed upon us, Arthur exclaimed, -
'Now then, my lads, what say you to a regular jollification?'
Milicent glanced at me with a half-reproachful look, as if I could
hinder it; but her countenance changed when she heard Hattersley's
voice, shouting through door and wall, - 'I'm your man! Send for
more wine: here isn't half enough!'
We had scarcely entered the drawing-room before we were joined by
Lord Lowborough.
'What can induce you to come so soon?' exclaimed his lady, with a
most ungracious air of dissatisfaction.
'You know I never drink, Annabella,' replied he seriously.
'Well, but you might stay with them a little: it looks so silly to
be always dangling after the women; I wonder you can!'
He reproached her with a look of mingled bitterness and surprise,
and, sinking into a chair, suppressed a heavy sigh, bit his pale
lips, and fixed his eyes upon the floor.
'You did right to leave them, Lord Lowborough,' said I. 'I trust
you will always continue to honour us so early with your company.
And if Annabella knew the value of true wisdom, and the misery of
folly and - and intemperance, she would not talk such nonsense -
even in jest.'
He raised his eyes while I spoke, and gravely turned them upon me,
with a half-surprised, half-abstracted look, and then bent them on
his wife.
'At least,' said she, 'I know the value of a warm heart and a bold,
manly spirit.'
'Well, Annabella,' said he, in a deep and hollow tone, 'since my
presence is disagreeable to you, I will relieve you of it.'
'Are you going back to them, then?' said she, carelessly.
'No,' exclaimed he, with harsh and startling emphasis. 'I will not
go back to them! And I will never stay with them one moment longer
than I think right, for you or any other tempter! But you needn't
mind that; I shall never trouble you again by intruding my company
upon you so unseasonably.'
He left the room: I heard the hall-door open and shut, and
immediately after, on putting aside the curtain, I saw him pacing
down the park, in the comfortless gloom of the damp, cloudy
twilight.
'It would serve you right, Annabella,' said I, at length, 'if Lord
Lowborough were to return to his old habits, which had so nearly
effected his ruin, and which it cost him such an effort to break:
you would then see cause to repent such conduct as this.'
'Not at all, my dear! I should not mind if his lordship were to
see fit to intoxicate himself every day: I should only the sooner
be rid of him.'
'Oh, Annabella!' cried Milicent. 'How can you say such wicked
things! It would, indeed, be a just punishment, as far as you are
concerned, if Providence should take you at your word, and make you
feel what others feel, that - ' She paused as a sudden burst of
loud talking and laughter reached us from the dining-room, in which
the voice of Hattersley was pre-eminently conspicuous, even to my
unpractised ear.
'What you feel at this moment, I suppose?' said Lady Lowborough,
with a malicious smile, fixing her eyes upon her cousin's
distressed countenance.
The latter offered no reply, but averted her face and brushed away
a tear. At that moment the door opened and admitted Mr. Hargrave,
just a little flushed, his dark eyes sparkling with unwonted
vivacity.
'Oh, I'm so glad you're come, Walter?' cried his sister. 'But I
wish you could have got Ralph to come too.'
'Utterly impossible, dear Milicent,' replied he, gaily. 'I had
much ado to get away myself. Ralph attempted to keep me by
violence; Huntingdon threatened me with the eternal loss of his
friendship; and Grimsby, worse than all, endeavoured to make me
ashamed of my virtue, by such galling sarcasms and innuendoes as he
knew would wound me the most. So you see, ladies, you ought to
make me welcome when I have braved and suffered so much for the
favour of your sweet society.' He smilingly turned to me and bowed
as he finished the sentence.
'Isn't he handsome now, Helen!' whispered Milicent, her sisterly
pride overcoming, for the moment, all other considerations.
'He would be,' I returned, 'if that brilliance of eye, and lip, and
cheek were natural to him; but look again, a few hours hence.'
Here the gentleman took a seat near me at the table, and petitioned
for a cup of coffee.
'I consider this an apt illustration of heaven taken by storm,'
said he, as I handed one to him. 'I am in paradise, now; but I
have fought my way through flood and fire to win it. Ralph
Hattersley's last resource was to set his back against the door,
and swear I should find no passage but through his body (a pretty
substantial one too). Happily, however, that was not the only
door, and I effected my escape by the side entrance through the
butler's pantry, to the infinite amazement of Benson, who was
cleaning the plate.'
Mr. Hargrave laughed, and so did his cousin; but his sister and I
remained silent and grave.
'Pardon my levity, Mrs. Huntingdon,' murmured he, more seriously,
as he raised his eyes to my face. 'You are not used to these
things: you suffer them to affect your delicate mind too sensibly.
But I thought of you in the midst of those lawless roysterers; and
I endeavoured to persuade Mr. Huntingdon to think of you too; but
to no purpose: I fear he is fully determined to enjoy himself this
night; and it will be no use keeping the coffee waiting for him or
his companions; it will be much if they join us at tea. Meantime,
I earnestly wish I could banish the thoughts of them from your mind
- and my own too, for I hate to think of them - yes - even of my
dear friend Huntingdon, when I consider the power he possesses over
the happiness of one so immeasurably superior to himself, and the
use he makes of it - I positively detest the man!'
'You had better not say so to me, then,' said I; 'for, bad as he
is, he is part of myself, and you cannot abuse him without
offending me.'
'Pardon me, then, for I would sooner die than offend you. But let
us say no more of him for the present, if you please.'
At last they came; but not till after ten, when tea, which had been
delayed for more than half an hour, was nearly over. Much as I had
longed for their coming, my heart failed me at the riotous uproar
of their approach; and Milicent turned pale, and almost started
from her seat, as Mr. Hattersley burst into the room with a
clamorous volley of oaths in his mouth, which Hargrave endeavoured
to check by entreating him to remember the ladies.
'Ah! you do well to remind me of the ladies, you dastardly
deserter,' cried he, shaking his formidable fist at his brother-in-
law. 'If it were not for them, you well know, I'd demolish you in
the twinkling of an eye, and give your body to the fowls of heaven
and the lilies of the fields!' Then, planting a chair by Lady
Lowborough's side, he stationed himself in it, and began to talk to
her with a mixture of absurdity and impudence that seemed rather to
amuse than to offend her; though she affected to resent his
insolence, and to keep him at bay with sallies of smart and
spirited repartee.
Meantime Mr. Grimsby seated himself by me, in the chair vacated by
Hargrave as they entered, and gravely stated that he would thank me
for a cup of tea: and Arthur placed himself beside poor Milicent,
confidentially pushing his head into her face, and drawing in
closer to her as she shrank away from him. He was not so noisy as
Hattersley, but his face was exceedingly flushed: he laughed
incessantly, and while I blushed for all I saw and heard of him, I
was glad that he chose to talk to his companion in so low a tone
that no one could hear what he said but herself.
'What fools they are!' drawled Mr. Grimsby, who had been talking
away, at my elbow, with sententious gravity all the time; but I had
been too much absorbed in contemplating the deplorable state of the
other two - especially Arthur - to attend to him.
'Did you ever hear such nonsense as they talk, Mrs. Huntingdon?' he
continued. 'I'm quite ashamed of them for my part: they can't
take so much as a bottle between them without its getting into
their heads - '
'You are pouring the cream into your saucer, Mr. Grimsby.'
'Ah! yes, I see, but we're almost in darkness here. Hargrave,
snuff those candles, will you?'
'They're wax; they don't require snuffing,' said I.
'"The light of the body is the eye,"' observed Hargrave, with a
sarcastic smile. '"If thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be
full of light."'
Grimsby repulsed him with a solemn wave of the hand, and then
turning to me, continued, with the same drawling tones and strange
uncertainty of utterance and heavy gravity of aspect as before:
'But as I was saying, Mrs. Huntingdon, they have no head at all:
they can't take half a bottle without being affected some way;
whereas I - well, I've taken three times as much as they have to-
night, and you see I'm perfectly steady. Now that may strike you
as very singular, but I think I can explain it: you see their
brains - I mention no names, but you'll understand to whom I allude
- their brains are light to begin with, and the fumes of the
fermented liquor render them lighter still, and produce an entire
light-headedness, or giddiness, resulting in intoxication; whereas
my brains, being composed of more solid materials, will absorb a
considerable quantity of this alcoholic vapour without the
production of any sensible result - '
'I think you will find a sensible result produced on that tea,'
interrupted Mr. Hargrave, 'by the quantity of sugar you have put
into it. Instead of your usual complement of one lump, you have
put in six.'
'Have I so?' replied the philosopher, diving with his spoon into
the cup, and bringing up several half-dissolved pieces in
confirmation of the assertion. 'Hum! I perceive. Thus, Madam,
you see the evil of absence of mind - of thinking too much while
engaged in the common concerns of life. Now, if I had had my wits
about me, like ordinary men, instead of within me like a
philosopher, I should not have spoiled this cup of tea, and been
constrained to trouble you for another.'
'That is the sugar-basin, Mr. Grimsby. Now you have spoiled the
sugar too; and I'll thank you to ring for some more, for here is
Lord Lowborough at last; and I hope his lordship will condescend to
sit down with us, such as we are, and allow me to give him some
tea.'
His lordship gravely bowed in answer to my appeal, but said
nothing. Meantime, Hargrave volunteered to ring for the sugar,
while Grimsby lamented his mistake, and attempted to prove that it
was owing to the shadow of the urn and the badness of the lights.
Lord Lowborough had entered a minute or two before, unobserved by
an one but me, and had been standing before the door, grimly
surveying the company. He now stepped up to Annabella, who sat
with her back towards him, with Hattersley still beside her, though
not now attending to her, being occupied in vociferously abusing
and bullying his host.
'Well, Annabella,' said her husband, as he leant over the back of
her chair, 'which of these three "bold, manly spirits" would you
have me to resemble?'
'By heaven and earth, you shall resemble us all!' cried Hattersley,
starting up and rudely seizing him by the arm. 'Hallo,
Huntingdon!' he shouted - 'I've got him! Come, man, and help me!
And d-n me, if I don't make him drunk before I let him go! He
shall make up for all past delinquencies as sure as I'm a living
soul!'
There followed a disgraceful contest: Lord Lowborough, in
desperate earnest, and pale with anger, silently struggling to
release himself from the powerful madman that was striving to drag
him from the room. I attempted to urge Arthur to interfere in
behalf of his outraged guest, but he could do nothing but laugh.
'Huntingdon, you fool, come and help me, can't you!' cried
Hattersley, himself somewhat weakened by his excesses.
'I'm wishing you God-speed, Hattersley,' cried Arthur, 'and aiding
you with my prayers: I can't do anything else if my life depended
on it! I'm quite used up. Oh - oh!' and leaning back in his seat,
he clapped his hands on his sides and groaned aloud.
'Annabella, give me a candle!' said Lowborough, whose antagonist
had now got him round the waist and was endeavouring to root him
from the door-post, to which he madly clung with all the energy of
desperation.
'I shall take no part in your rude sports!' replied the lady coldly
drawing back. 'I wonder you can expect it.' But I snatched up a
candle and brought it to him. He took it and held the flame to
Hattersley's hands, till, roaring like a wild beast, the latter
unclasped them and let him go. He vanished, I suppose to his own
apartment, for nothing more was seen of him till the morning.
Swearing and cursing like a maniac, Hattersley threw himself on to
the ottoman beside the window. The door being now free, Milicent
attempted to make her escape from the scene of her husband's
disgrace; but he called her back, and insisted upon her coming to
him.
'What do you want, Ralph?' murmured she, reluctantly approaching
him.
'I want to know what's the matter with you,' said he, pulling her
on to his knee like a child. 'What are you crying for, Milicent? -
Tell me!'
'I'm not crying.'
'You are,' persisted he, rudely pulling her hands from her face.
'How dare you tell such a lie!'
'I'm not crying now,' pleaded she.
'But you have been, and just this minute too; and I will know what
for. Come, now, you shall tell me!'
'Do let me alone, Ralph! Remember, we are not at home.'
'No matter: you shall answer my question!' exclaimed her
tormentor; and he attempted to extort the confession by shaking
her, and remorselessly crushing her slight arms in the gripe of his
powerful fingers.
'Don't let him treat your sister in that way,' said I to Mr.
Hargrave.
'Come now, Hattersley, I can't allow that,' said that gentleman,
stepping up to the ill-assorted couple. 'Let my sister alone, if
you please.'
And he made an effort to unclasp the ruffian's fingers from her
arm, but was suddenly driven backward, and nearly laid upon the
floor by a violent blow on the chest, accompanied with the
admonition, 'Take that for your insolence! and learn to interfere
between me and mine again.'
'If you were not drunk, I'd have satisfaction for that!' gasped
Hargrave, white and breathless as much from passion as from the
immediate effects of the blow.
'Go to the devil!' responded his brother-in-law. 'Now, Milicent,
tell me what you were crying for.'
'I'll tell you some other time,' murmured she, 'when we are alone.'
'Tell me now!' said he, with another shake and a squeeze that made
her draw in her breath and bite her lip to suppress a cry of pain.
'I'll tell you, Mr. Hattersley,' said I. 'She was crying from pure
shame and humiliation for you; because she could not bear to see
you conduct yourself so disgracefully.'
'Confound you, Madam!' muttered he, with a stare of stupid
amazement at my 'impudence.' 'It was not that - was it, Milicent?'
She was silent.
'Come, speak up, child!'
'I can't tell now,' sobbed she.
'But you can say "yes" or "no" as well as "I can't tell." - Come!'
'Yes,' she whispered, hanging her head, and blushing at the awful
acknowledgment.
'Curse you for an impertinent hussy, then!' cried he, throwing her
from him with such violence that she fell on her side; but she was
up again before either I or her brother could come to her
assistance, and made the best of her way out of the room, and, I
suppose, up-stairs, without loss of time.
The next object of assault was Arthur, who sat opposite, and had,
no doubt, richly enjoyed the whole scene.
'Now, Huntingdon,' exclaimed his irascible friend, 'I will not have
you sitting there and laughing like an idiot!'
'Oh, Hattersley,' cried he, wiping his swimming eyes - 'you'll be
the death of me.'
'Yes, I will, but not as you suppose: I'll have the heart out of
your body, man, if you irritate me with any more of that imbecile
laughter! - What! are you at it yet? - There! see if that'll settle
you!' cried Hattersley, snatching up a footstool and hurting it at
the head of his host; but he as well as missed his aim, and the
latter still sat collapsed and quaking with feeble laughter, with
tears running down his face: a deplorable spectacle indeed.
Hattersley tried cursing and swearing, but it would not do: he
then took a number of books from the table beside him, and threw
them, one by one, at the object of his wrath; but Arthur only
laughed the more; and, finally, Hattersley rushed upon him in a
frenzy and seizing him by the shoulders, gave him a violent
shaking, under which he laughed and shrieked alarmingly. But I saw
no more: I thought I had witnessed enough of my husband's
degradation; and leaving Annabella and the rest to follow when they
pleased, I withdrew, but not to bed. Dismissing Rachel to her
rest, I walked up and down my room, in an agony of misery for what
had been done, and suspense, not knowing what might further happen,
or how or when that unhappy creature would come up to bed.
At last he came, slowly and stumblingly ascending the stairs,
supported by Grimsby and Hattersley, who neither of them walked
quite steadily themselves, but were both laughing and joking at
him, and making noise enough for all the servants to hear. He
himself was no longer laughing now, but sick and stupid. I will
write no more about that.
Such disgraceful scenes (or nearly such) have been repeated more
than once. I don't say much to Arthur about it, for, if I did, it
would do more harm than good; but I let him know that I intensely
dislike such exhibitions; and each time he has promised they should
never again be repeated. But I fear he is losing the little self-
command and self-respect he once possessed: formerly, he would
have been ashamed to act thus - at least, before any other
witnesses than his boon companions, or such as they. His friend
Hargrave, with a prudence and self-government that I envy for him,
never disgraces himself by taking more than sufficient to render
him a little 'elevated,' and is always the first to leave the table
after Lord Lowborough, who, wiser still, perseveres in vacating the
dining-room immediately after us: but never once, since Annabella
offended him so deeply, has he entered the drawing-room before the
rest; always spending the interim in the library, which I take care
to have lighted for his accommodation; or, on fine moonlight
nights, in roaming about the grounds. But I think she regrets her
misconduct, for she has never repeated it since, and of late she
has comported herself with wonderful propriety towards him,
treating him with more uniform kindness and consideration than ever
I have observed her to do before. I date the time of this
improvement from the period when she ceased to hope and strive for
Arthur's admiration.