Victorian London - Health and Hygiene - Quackery - pills


    Properly speaking, Medicine for the Million consists of Universal Vegetable Pills, Pills and Ointment, and Life Pills; all of which possess the singular property of curing all diseases.
    That they possess this property has been ascertained by satisfactory experiments, made by a board of physicians. This board is established by the Government, which licenses the sale of medicines, and guarantees the assertions of their proprietors; a thing which it never would have the profligacy to do, if it were not certain of the truth of them.
    Ordinary medicines, if they have any operation on the human system at all, act, when taken unnecessarily, as poisons. Universal Vegetable Pills, pills and Ointment, and Life Pills, never can be taken unnecessarily, even when a man has nothing the matter with him; so that it is impossible that they should poison anybody. On the contrary, Life Pills, being meant to prolong life, may be taken daily in large quantities, like the staff of Life, namely, bread, without doing the slightest harm.
    If any gentleman or lady has hydrophobia, inflammation of the lungs, cholera morbus, or any other disease ever so dangerous, he or she has nothing to do but to take either the Vegetable Pills, or the Pills and Ointment, or Life Pills, whichever they please, and they will certainly be cured.
    The attestation in favour of these several medicines may all be depended on. None of them are false; and every cobbler, tinker, tailor, clod-hopper, and mechanic who signs his name to them is perfectly qualified to judge of diseases; so that when he says he has had this or that complaint, and has been cured of it by the said medicines, his word may safely be taken by the British public.
    We therefore unhesitatingly recommend all persons to take Medicine for the Million whether they are ill or not, instead of having recourse to medical men; who, having made diseases the study of their lives, cannot be expected to know anything about them.

Punch, Jan.-Jun. 1844