PUNCH'S GUIDE TO SERVANTS.
THE COOK.
For ages it has been believed that a certain wicked person
sends cooks; but JOHNSON has well observed, and so by the bye have SMITH and
BROWN, that "if we had no cooks, we should be as bad as cannibals."
Cooks have always been the subject of sarcasm, and JONES
tells us, that even in his day the wits loved to give the cooks a good roasting.
It is said, moreover, that "too many cooks will spoil the broth," from
which we may presume, that as the workhouse broth is the very worst in the
world, a great many cooks must have a hand in it. APICIUS was the first man who
made cookery a science, and he poisoned himself; no doubt with his own cookery.
He invented several sauces, and was, in fact, the Roman HARVEY. He is believed
to have been the first who added the trimmings to legs of mutton, and he took
for his motto the line in VIRGIL
"At Regina gravi
jamdudum saucia curd."
because the luxury of gravy, jam, sauce, and curry are all
shadowed forth in the quotation alluded to.
DR. JOHNSON was, according to BOSWELL, "a man of very
nice discrimination in the science of cookery," and he was proverbial for
his sauce, which he dealt out to every one with the greatest freedom. BOSWELL
once asked him if he liked pickles, when he said, "No Sir, the man who
would eat a pickle, would pick a pocket."
BOSWELL adds, "I ventured to say he would;" and
they wound up the evening with grog, which BOSWELL, as usual, had to pay for;
and it is thought that the expression of "Standing Sam" originated
with BOSWELL having to stand whatever SAM (JOHNSON) chose to call for.
The celebrated Dx. PARR was also a great epicure, and liked
his victuals underdone, from which we have the expression Parr-boiling. MILTON
loved his meat well-dressed, and died with a good thing in his mouth; but
whether it was a morsel of philosophy, or something nice, has never transpired.
Having said thus much of the ancient and classical who took
an interest in cookery, we plunge down stairs into the modern kitchen, and
embrace the cook of the present period.
On going to be hired, you will, perhaps, be told there are no
perquisites allowed. Don't stick out about that, for if perquisites are not
allowed, you must take them.
It is easy to say the meat makes no dripping, and, of course,
you can't account for it.
It is a rule in cookery to make the best and the most of
everything, and yea will therefore sell your kitchen-stuff at the marine-store
shop that will give the best price for it.
In some families the mistress of the house will assist the
cook; but she should have a sickener of that as soon as possible. If she makes a
pie, spoil it in the baking; for if there is any truth in the adage about
"too many cooks," the lady of the house should not be encouraged in
making one of the number.
Order is a great essential to a cook, who should keep
everything in its place, taking care to keep herself as snugly in her place as
possible. Never connive at dishonesty in others, but keep yourself to yourself;
for, if you rob your mistress, the least return you can make is not to sanction
others in doing so.
Never go into any place where a cat is not kept. This useful
domestic animal is the true servants' friend, accounting for the disappearance
of tit-bits, lumps of butter, and other odd matters, as well as being the author
of all mysterious breakages. What the safety-valve is to the steam-engine, the
cat is to the kitchen, preventing all explosions or blowings-up that might
otherwise occur in the best regulated families.
Having laid down some general principles for the guidance of
cooks, we give a few maxims that cannot be too strictly attended to.
1. Keep yourself clean and tidy if you can. If your fingers
are greasy wipe them on your hair, which thus acquires a polish.
2. When a joint comes down from dinner, cut off what you
intend for your supper. If cut while the joint is warm, it does not show that it
has been cut. Relieve it also from all superfluous fat, which will of course go
into your grease-pot.
3, If you want a jelly-bag, cut up an ironing-blanket for the
purpose. The former is, of course, wanted in a hurry, but the latter may be
procured at leisure.
4. When your dishes come down stairs, throw them all into
scalding water at once. Those that are not broken by the operation may
afterwards be taken out, and put in their proper places.
5. Scour your pickle-jars, but empty them first, if you are
fond of pickle.
6. If you have been peeling onions, cut bread-and-butter with
the same knife; it will show the multifariousness of your occupations, and
perhaps give a hint for raising your wages.
7. Let your spit and your skewers be always rusty; or, at
least, do not take the trouble to polish them; for by leaving great black hole
the meat, they show it has been roasted, which is always better than being
baked, and it will be the more relished in consequence.
8. Never do anything by halves, except lamb, which you must
some times do by quarters.
9. If you are cooking even a sheep's head or a bullock's
heart, take pains with them, so that what. you do may be equally creditable to
your head and heart.
10. If you have a follower, or a policeman, who likes a
snack, cut it off each joint before you cook it - for everything loses in
the cooking - and the disappearance of one pound, at least, in eight or nine,
may thus be easily accounted for.
The above maxims will be sufficient to guide the cook in her
course of service, and we do not add any receipts, for it has been well said by
Dr. KITCHENER, or might have been said by him as well as by any one else - that
he who gives a receipt for making a stew, may himself make a sad hash of it.
In bidding farewell to the cook, we would have her remember
that her control over the safe will give her a peculiar influence over the heart
of the police, and she must be careful not to enervate a whole division, and
leave a district defenceless, by being too lavish with the blandishments of love
and the larder.
Punch, Jul.-Dec. 1845