THE LAWYER 
[from 'VALENTINES' section, ed.]

LEND me your ears, thou mail of law, 
While I my declaration draw,- 
    Your heart in fee surrender;
As plaintiff I my suit prefer, 
    Twould be uncivil to demur, 
Then let your plea be - tender.

On certain promises I sue, 
Given at sundry times by you, 
    Oh! does not it unnerve thee
When urged by passion's boldest fits, 
    I issue one of Cupid's Writs,
And with it boldly serve thee

Appear in person, I beseech, 
Nor resignation idly teach
    To one already lost, sir
Proceedings I will only stay 
Upon condition, that you pay
    At once the debt and costs, sir.

Then take my heart, be not a brute, 
But ask a rule-just to compute
    The misery of its state, man; 
Some people's minds are wildly thrown 
At sixes and at sevens, I own
    Mine's all at six and eight, man.

List to the evidence that I 
Of my affection here supply, 
    Examine well my heart, now; 
It beats with such tremendous force
That its mere motion ("quite" of course)
    Is like a jolting cart, now

My judgment by default is gone, 
And I, alas! go raving on,
    For fear you should forsake 
There's no defence- don t be brute
I give you a rule absolute
    In execution take me

By act of Parliament alone, 
But by no action of your own,
    A gentleman they call you; 
What's that to me ? though slander's rife, 
I'm still prepared to be your wife, 
    Although disgrace befall you.

Your dirty pettifogging tricks 
May on you others' hatred fix,
    I heed not their reflections 
My passion now defies control, 
I cannot strike you off the roll
    Of my sincere affections.

Punch, Jan.-Jun. 1842