Bleak House, by Charles Dickens (1852-1853) - Chapter 55 -
Flight
CHAPTER LV
Flight
Inspector Bucket of the Detective has not yet struck
his great blow, as just now chronicled, but is yet refreshing himself with sleep
preparatory to his field-day, when through the night and along the freezing
wintry roads a chaise and pair comes out of Lincolnshire, making its way towards
London.
Railroads shall soon traverse all this country, and with
a rattle and a glare the engine and train shall shoot like a meteor over the
wide night-landscape, turning the moon paler; but as yet such things are
non-existent in these parts, though not wholly unexpected. Preparations are
afoot, measurements are made, ground is staked out. Bridges are begun, and their
not yet united piers desolately look at one another over roads and streams like
brick and mortar couples with an obstacle to their union; fragments of
embankments are thrown up and left as precipices with torrents of rusty carts
and barrows tumbling over them; tripods of tall poles appear on hilltops, where
there are rumours of tunnels; everything looks chaotic and abandoned in full
hopelessness. Along the freezing roads, and through the night, the post-chaise
makes its way without a railroad on its mind.
Mrs. Rouncewell, so many years housekeeper at Chesney
Wold, sits within the chaise; and by her side sits Mrs. Bagnet with her grey
cloak and umbrella. The old girl would prefer the bar in front, as being exposed
to the weather and a primitive sort of perch more in accordance with her usual
course of travelling, but Mrs. Rouncewell is too thoughtful of her comfort to
admit of her proposing it. The old lady cannot make enough of the old girl. She
sits, in her stately manner, holding her hand, and regardless of its roughness,
puts it often to her lips. "You are a mother, my dear soul," says she
many times, "and you found out my George's mother!"
"Why, George," returns Mrs. Bagnet, "was
always free with me, ma'am, and when he said at our house to my Woolwich that of
all the things my Woolwich could have to think of when he grew to be a man, the
comfortablest would be that he had never brought a sorrowful line into his
mother's face or turned a hair of her head grey, then I felt sure, from his way,
that something fresh had brought his own mother into his mind. I had often known
him say to me, in past times, that he had behaved bad to her."
"Never, my dear!" returns Mrs. Rouncewell,
bursting into tears. "My blessing on him, never! He was always fond of me,
and loving to me, was my George! But he had a bold spirit, and he ran a little
wild and went for a soldier. And I know he waited at first, in letting us know
about himself, till he should rise to be an officer; and when he didn't rise, I
know he considered himself beneath us, and wouldn't be a disgrace to us. For he
had a lion heart, had my George, always from a baby!"
The old lady's hands stray about her as of yore, while
she recalls, all in a tremble, what a likely lad, what a fine lad, what a gay
good-humoured clever lad he was; how they all took to him down at Chesney Wold;
how Sir Leicester took to him when he was a young gentleman; how the dogs took
to him; how even the people who had been angry with him forgave him the moment
he was gone, poor boy. And now to see him after all, and in a prison too! And
the broad stomacher heaves, and the quaint upright old-fashioned figure bends
under its load of affectionate distress.
Mrs. Bagnet, with the instinctive skill of a good warm
heart, leaves the old housekeeper to her emotions for a little while--not
without passing the back of her hand across her own motherly eyes-- and
presently chirps up in her cheery manner, "So I says to George when I goes
to call him in to tea (he pretended to be smoking his pipe outside), 'What ails
you this afternoon, George, for gracious sake? I have seen all sorts, and I have
seen you pretty often in season and out of season, abroad and at home, and I
never see you so melancholy penitent.' 'Why, Mrs. Bagnet,' says George, 'it's
because I AM melancholy and penitent both, this afternoon, that you see me so.'
'What have you done, old fellow?' I says. 'Why, Mrs. Bagnet,' says George,
shaking his head, 'what I have done has been done this many a long year, and is
best not tried to be undone now. If I ever get to heaven it won't be for being a
good son to a widowed mother; I say no more.' Now, ma'am, when George says to me
that it's best not tried to be undone now, I have my thoughts as I have often
had before, and I draw it out of George how he comes to have such things on him
that afternoon. Then George tells me that he has seen by chance, at the lawyer's
office, a fine old lady that has brought his mother plain before him, and he
runs on about that old lady till he quite forgets himself and paints her picture
to me as she used to be, years upon years back. So I says to George when he has
done, who is this old lady he has seen? And George tells me it's Mrs.
Rouncewell, housekeeper for more than half a century to the Dedlock family down
at Chesney Wold in Lincolnshire. George has frequently told me before that he's
a Lincolnshire man, and I says to my old Lignum that night, 'Lignum, that's his
mother for five and for-ty pound!'"
All this Mrs. Bagnet now relates for the twentieth time
at least within the last four hours. Trilling it out like a kind of bird, with a
pretty high note, that it may be audible to the old lady above the hum of the
wheels.
"Bless you, and thank you," says Mrs.
Rouncewell. "Bless you, and thank you, my worthy soul!"
"Dear heart!" cries Mrs. Bagnet in the most
natural manner. "No thanks to me, I am sure. Thanks to yourself, ma'am, for
being so ready to pay 'em! And mind once more, ma'am, what you had best do on
finding George to be your own son is to make him--for your sake --have every
sort of help to put himself in the right and clear himself of a charge of which
he is as innocent as you or me. It won't do to have truth and justice on his
side; he must have law and lawyers," exclaims the old girl, apparently
persuaded that the latter form a separate establishment and have dissolved
partnership with truth and justice for ever and a day.
"He shall have," says Mrs. Rouncewell,
"all the help that can be got for him in the world, my dear. I will spend
all I have, and thankfully, to procure it. Sir Leicester will do his best, the
whole family will do their best. I--I know something, my dear; and will make my
own appeal, as his mother parted from him all these years, and finding him in a
jail at last."
The extreme disquietude of the old housekeeper's manner
in saying this, her broken words, and her wringing of her hands make a powerful
impression on Mrs. Bagnet and would astonish her but that she refers them all to
her sorrow for her son's condition. And yet Mrs. Bagnet wonders too why Mrs.
Rouncewell should murmur so distractedly, "My Lady, my Lady, my Lady!"
over and over again.
The frosty night wears away, and the dawn breaks, and
the post- chaise comes rolling on through the early mist like the ghost of a
chaise departed. It has plenty of spectral company in ghosts of trees and
hedges, slowly vanishing and giving place to the realities of day. London
reached, the travellers alight, the old housekeeper in great tribulation and
confusion, Mrs. Bagnet quite fresh and collected--as she would be if her next
point, with no new equipage and outfit, were the Cape of Good Hope, the Island
of Ascension, Hong Kong, or any other military station.
But when they set out for the prison where the trooper
is confined, the old lady has managed to draw about her, with her lavender-
coloured dress, much of the staid calmness which is its usual accompaniment. A
wonderfully grave, precise, and handsome piece of old china she looks, though
her heart beats fast and her stomacher is ruffled more than even the remembrance
of this wayward son has ruffled it these many years.
Approaching the cell, they find the door opening and a
warder in the act of coming out. The old girl promptly makes a sign of entreaty
to him to say nothing; assenting with a nod, he suffers them to enter as he
shuts the door.
So George, who is writing at his table, supposing
himself to be alone, does not raise his eyes, but remains absorbed. The old
housekeeper looks at him, and those wandering hands of hers are quite enough for
Mrs. Bagnet's confirmation, even if she could see the mother and the son
together, knowing what she knows, and doubt their relationship.
Not a rustle of the housekeeper's dress, not a gesture,
not a word betrays her. She stands looking at him as he writes on, all
unconscious, and only her fluttering hands give utterance to her emotions. But
they are very eloquent, very, very eloquent. Mrs. Bagnet understands them. They
speak of gratitude, of joy, of grief, of hope; of inextinguishable affection,
cherished with no return since this stalwart man was a stripling; of a better
son loved less, and this son loved so fondly and so proudly; and they speak in
such touching language that Mrs. Bagnet's eyes brim up with tears and they run
glistening down her sun-brown face.
"George Rouncewell! Oh, my dear child, turn and
look at me!"
The trooper starts up, clasps his mother round the neck,
and falls down on his knees before her. Whether in a late repentance, whether in
the first association that comes back upon him, he puts his hands together as a
child does when it says its prayers, and raising them towards her breast, bows
down his head, and cries.
"My George, my dearest son! Always my favourite,
and my favourite still, where have you been these cruel years and years? Grown
such a man too, grown such a fine strong man. Grown so like what I knew he must
be, if it pleased God he was alive!"
She can ask, and he can answer, nothing connected for a
time. All that time the old girl, turned away, leans one arm against the
whitened wall, leans her honest forehead upon it, wipes her eyes with her
serviceable grey cloak, and quite enjoys herself like the best of old girls as
she is.
"Mother," says the trooper when they are more
composed, "forgive me first of all, for I know my need of it."
Forgive him! She does it with all her heart and soul.
She always has done it. She tells him how she has had it written in her will,
these many years, that he was her beloved son George. She has never believed any
ill of him, never. If she had died without this happiness--and she is an old
woman now and can't look to live very long--she would have blessed him with her
last breath, if she had had her senses, as her beloved son George.
"Mother, I have been an undutiful trouble to you,
and I have my reward; but of late years I have had a kind of glimmering of a
purpose in me too. When I left home I didn't care much, mother--I am afraid not
a great deal--for leaving; and went away and 'listed, harum-scarum, making
believe to think that I cared for nobody, no not I, and that nobody cared for
me."
The trooper has dried his eyes and put away his
handkerchief, but there is an extraordinary contrast between his habitual manner
of expressing himself and carrying himself and the softened tone in which he
speaks, interrupted occasionally by a half-stifled sob.
"So I wrote a line home, mother, as you too well
know, to say I had 'listed under another name, and I went abroad. Abroad, at one
time I thought I would write home next year, when I might be better off; and
when that year was out, I thought I would write home next year, when I might be
better off; and when that year was out again, perhaps I didn't think much about
it. So on, from year to year, through a service of ten years, till I began to
get older, and to ask myself why should I ever write."
"I don't find any fault, child--but not to ease my
mind, George? Not a word to your loving mother, who was growing older too?"
This almost overturns the trooper afresh, but he sets
himself up with a great, rough, sounding clearance of his throat.
"Heaven forgive me, mother, but I thought there
would be small consolation then in hearing anything about me. There were you,
respected and esteemed. There was my brother, as I read in chance North Country
papers now and then, rising to be prosperous and famous. There was I a dragoon,
roving, unsettled, not self-made like him, but self-unmade--all my earlier
advantages thrown away, all my little learning unlearnt, nothing picked up but
what unfitted me for most things that I could think of. What business had I to
make myself known? After letting all that time go by me, what good could come of
it? The worst was past with you, mother. I knew by that time (being a man) how
you had mourned for me, and wept for me, and prayed for me; and the pain was
over, or was softened down, and I was better in your mind as it was."
The old lady sorrowfully shakes her head, and taking one
of his powerful hands, lays it lovingly upon her shoulder.
"No, I don't say that it was so, mother, but that I
made it out to be so. I said just now, what good could come of it? Well, my dear
mother, some good might have come of it to myself--and there was the meanness of
it. You would have sought me out; you would have purchased my discharge; you
would have taken me down to Chesney Wold; you would have brought me and my
brother and my brother's family together; you would all have considered
anxiously how to do something for me and set me up as a respectable civilian.
But how could any of you feel sure of me when I couldn't so much as feel sure of
myself? How could you help regarding as an incumbrance and a discredit to you an
idle dragooning chap who was an incumbrance and a discredit to himself,
excepting under discipline? How could I look my brother's children in the face
and pretend to set them an example--I, the vagabond boy who had run away from
home and been the grief and unhappiness of my mother's life? 'No, George.' Such
were my words, mother, when I passed this in review before me: 'You have made
your bed. Now, lie upon it.'"
Mrs. Rouncewell, drawing up her stately form, shakes her
head at the old girl with a swelling pride upon her, as much as to say, "I
told you so!" The old girl relieves her feelings and testifies her interest
in the conversation by giving the trooper a great poke between the shoulders
with her umbrella; this action she afterwards repeats, at intervals, in a
species of affectionate lunacy, never failing, after the administration of each
of these remonstrances, to resort to the whitened wall and the grey cloak again.
"This was the way I brought myself to think,
mother, that my best amends was to lie upon that bed I had made, and die upon
it. And I should have done it (though I have been to see you more than once down
at Chesney Wold, when you little thought of me) but for my old comrade's wife
here, who I find has been too many for me. But I thank her for it. I thank you
for it, Mrs. Bagnet, with all my heart and might."
To which Mrs. Bagnet responds with two pokes.
And now the old lady impresses upon her son George, her
own dear recovered boy, her joy and pride, the light of her eyes, the happy
close of her life, and every fond name she can think of, that he must be
governed by the best advice obtainable by money and influence, that he must
yield up his case to the greatest lawyers that can be got, that he must act in
this serious plight as he shall be advised to act and must not be self-willed,
however right, but must promise to think only of his poor old mother's anxiety
and suffering until he is released, or he will break her heart.
"Mother, 'tis little enough to consent to,"
returns the trooper, stopping her with a kiss; "tell me what I shall do,
and I'll make a late beginning and do it. Mrs. Bagnet, you'll take care of my
mother, I know?"
A very hard poke from the old girl's umbrella.
"If you'll bring her acquainted with Mr. Jarndyce
and Miss Summerson, she will find them of her way of thinking, and they will
give her the best advice and assistance."
"And, George," says the old lady, "we
must send with all haste for your brother. He is a sensible sound man as they
tell me--out in the world beyond Chesney Wold, my dear, though I don't know much
of it myself--and will be of great service."
"Mother," returns the trooper, "is it too
soon to ask a favour?"
"Surely not, my dear."
"Then grant me this one great favour. Don't let my
brother know."
"Not know what, my dear?"
"Not know of me. In fact, mother, I can't bear it;
I can't make up my mmd to it. He has proved himself so different from me and has
done so much to raise himself while I've been soldiering that I haven't brass
enough in my composition to see him in this place and under this charge. How
could a man like him be expected to have any pleasure in such a discovery? It's
impossible. No, keep my secret from him, mother; do me a greater kindness than I
deserve and keep my secret from my brother, of all men."
"But not always, dear George?"
"Why, mother, perhaps not for good and all--though
I may come to ask that too--but keep it now, I do entreat you. If it's ever
broke to him that his rip of a brother has turned up, I could wish," says
the trooper, shaking his head very doubtfully, "to break it myself and be
governed as to advancing or retreating by the way in which he seems to take
it."
As he evidently has a rooted feeling on this point, and
as the depth of it is recognized in Mrs. Bagnet's face, his mother yields her
implicit assent to what he asks. For this he thanks her kindly.
"In all other respects, my dear mother, I'll be as
tractable and obedient as you can wish; on this one alone, I stand out. So now I
am ready even for the lawyers. I have been drawing up," he glances at his
writing on the table, "an exact account of what I knew of the deceased and
how I came to be involved in this unfortunate affair. It's entered, plain and
regular, like an orderly-book; not a word in it but what's wanted for the facts.
I did intend to read it, straight on end, whensoever I was called upon to say
anything in my defence. I hope I may be let to do it still; but I have no longer
a will of my own in this case, and whatever is said or done, I give my promise
not to have any."
Matters being brought to this so far satisfactory pass,
and time being on the wane, Mrs. Bagnet proposes a departure. Again and again
the old lady hangs upon her son's neck, and again and again the trooper holds
her to his broad chest.
"Where are you going to take my mother, Mrs.
Bagnet?"
"I am going to the town house, my dear, the family
house. I have some business there that must be looked to directly," Mrs.
Rouncewell answers.
"Will you see my mother safe there in a coach, Mrs.
Bagnet? But of course I know you will. Why should I ask it!"
Why indeed, Mrs. Bagnet expresses with the umbrella.
"Take her, my old friend, and take my gratitude
along with you. Kisses to Quebec and Malta, love to my godson, a hearty shake of
the hand to Lignum, and this for yourself, and I wish it was ten thousand pound
in gold, my dear!" So saying, the trooper puts his lips to the old girl's
tanned forehead, and the door shuts upon him in his cell.
No entreaties on the part of the good old housekeeper
will induce Mrs. Bagnet to retain the coach for her own conveyance home. Jumping
out cheerfully at the door of the Dedlock mansion and handing Mrs. Rouncewell up
the steps, the old girl shakes hands and trudges off, arriving soon afterwards
in the bosom of the Bagnet family and falling to washing the greens as if
nothing had happened.
My Lady is in that room in which she held her last
conference with the murdered man, and is sitting where she sat that night, and
is looking at the spot where he stood upon the hearth studying her so leisurely,
when a tap comes at the door. Who is it? Mrs. Rouncewell. What has brought Mrs.
Rouncewell to town so unexpectedly?
"Trouble, my Lady. Sad trouble. Oh, my Lady, may I
beg a word with you?"
What new occurrence is it that makes this tranquil old
woman tremble so? Far happier than her Lady, as her Lady has often thought, why
does she falter in this manner and look at her with such strange mistrust?
"What is the matter? Sit down and take your
breath."
"Oh, my Lady, my Lady. I have found my son--my
youngest, who went away for a soldier so long ago. And he is in prison."
"For debt?"
"Oh, no, my Lady; I would have paid any debt, and
joyful."
"For what is he in prison then?"
"Charged with a murder, my Lady, of which he is as
innocent as--as I am. Accused of the murder of Mr. Tulkinghorn."
What does she mean by this look and this imploring
gesture? Why does she come so close? What is the letter that she holds?
"Lady Dedlock, my dear Lady, my good Lady, my kind
Lady! You must have a heart to feel for me, you must have a heart to forgive me.
I was in this family before you were born. I am devoted to it. But think of my
dear son wrongfully accused."
"I do not accuse him."
"No, my Lady, no. But others do, and he is in
prison and in danger. Oh, Lady Dedlock, if you can say but a word to help to
clear him, say it!"
What delusion can this be? What power does she suppose
is in the person she petitions to avert this unjust suspicion, if it be unjust?
Her Lady's handsome eyes regard her with astonishment, almost with fear.
"My Lady, I came away last night from Chesney Wold
to find my son in my old age, and the step upon the Ghost's Walk was so constant
and so solemn that I never heard the like in all these years. Night after night,
as it has fallen dark, the sound has echoed through your rooms, but last night
it was awfullest. And as it fell dark last night, my Lady, I got this
letter."
"What letter is it?"
"Hush! Hush!" The housekeeper looks round and
answers in a frightened whisper, "My Lady, I have not breathed a word of
it, I don't believe what's written in it, I know it can't be true, I am sure and
certain that it is not true. But my son is in danger, and you must have a heart
to pity me. If you know of anything that is not known to others, if you have any
suspicion, if you have any clue at all, and any reason for keeping it in your
own breast, oh, my dear Lady, think of me, and conquer that reason, and let it
be known! This is the most I consider possible. I know you are not a hard lady,
but you go your own way always without help, and you are not familiar with your
friends; and all who admire you--and all do --as a beautiful and elegant lady,
know you to be one far away from themselves who can't be approached close. My
Lady, you may have some proud or angry reasons for disdaining to utter something
that you know; if so, pray, oh, pray, think of a faithful servant whose whole
life has been passed in this family which she dearly loves, and relent, and help
to clear my son! My Lady, my good Lady," the old housekeeper pleads with
genuine simplicity, "I am so humble in my place and you are by nature so
high and distant that you may not think what I feel for my child, but I feel so
much that I have come here to make so bold as to beg and pray you not to be
scornful of us if you can do us any right or justice at this fearful time!"
Lady Dedlock raises her without one word, until she
takes the letter from her hand.
"Am I to read this?"
"When I am gone, my Lady, if you please, and then
remembering the most that I consider possible."
"I know of nothing I can do. I know of nothing I
reserve that can affect your son. I have never accused him."
"My Lady, you may pity him the more under a false
accusation after reading the letter."
The old housekeeper leaves her with the letter in her
hand. In truth she is not a hard lady naturally, and the time has been when the
sight of the venerable figure suing to her with such strong earnestness would
have moved her to great compassion. But so long accustomed to suppress emotion
and keep down reality, so long schooled for her own purposes in that destructive
school which shuts up the natural feelings of the heart like flies in amber and
spreads one uniform and dreary gloss over the good and bad, the feeling and the
unfeeling, the sensible and the senseless, she had subdued even her wonder until
now.
She opens the letter. Spread out upon the paper is a
printed account of the discovery of the body as it lay face downward on the
floor, shot through the heart; and underneath is written her own name, with the
word "murderess" attached.
It falls out of her hand. How long it may have lain upon
the ground she knows not, but it lies where it fell when a servant stands before
her announcing the young man of the name of Guppy. The words have probably been
repeated several times, for they are ringing in her head before she begins to
understand them.
"Let him come in!"
He comes in. Holding the letter in her hand, which she
has taken from the floor, she tries to collect her thoughts. In the eyes of Mr.
Guppy she is the same Lady Dedlock, holding the same prepared, proud, chilling
state.
"Your ladyship may not be at first disposed to
excuse this visit from one who has never been welcome to your
ladyship"--which he don't complain of, for he is bound to confess that
there never has been any particular reason on the face of things why he should
be-- "but I hope when I mention my motives to your ladyship you will not
find fault with me," says Mr. Guppy.
"Do so."
"Thank your ladyship. I ought first to explain to
your ladyship," Mr. Guppy sits on the edge of a chair and puts his hat on
the carpet at his feet, "that Miss Summerson, whose image, as I formerly
mentioned to your ladyship, was at one period of my life imprinted on my 'eart
until erased by circumstances over which I had no control, communicated to me,
after I had the pleasure of waiting on your ladyship last, that she particularly
wished me to take no steps whatever in any manner at all relating to her. And
Miss Summerson's wishes being to me a law (except as connected with
circumstances over which I have no control), I consequently never expected to
have the distinguished honour of waiting on your ladyship again."
And yet he is here now, Lady Dedlock moodily reminds
him.
"And yet I am here now," Mr. Guppy admits.
"My object being to communicate to your ladyship, under the seal of
confidence, why I am here."
He cannot do so, she tells him, too plainly or too
briefly. "Nor can I," Mr. Guppy returns with a sense of injury upon
him, "too particularly request your ladyship to take particular notice that
it's no personal affair of mine that brings me here. I have no interested views
of my own to serve in coming here. If it was not for my promise to Miss
Summerson and my keeping of it sacred--I, in point of fact, shouldn't have
darkened these doors again, but should have seen 'em further first."
Mr. Guppy considers this a favourable moment for
sticking up his hair with both hands.
"Your ladyship will remember when I mention it that
the last time I was here I run against a party very eminent in our profession
and whose loss we all deplore. That party certainly did from that time apply
himself to cutting in against me in a way that I will call sharp practice, and
did make it, at every turn and point, extremely difficult for me to be sure that
I hadn't inadvertently led up to something contrary to Miss Summerson's wishes.
Self-praise is no recommendation, but I may say for myself that I am not so bad
a man of business neither."
Lady Dedlock looks at him in stern inquiry. Mr. Guppy
immediately withdraws his eyes from her face and looks anywhere else.
"Indeed, it has been made so hard," he goes
on, "to have any idea what that party was up to in combination with others
that until the loss which we all deplore I was gravelled--an expression which
your ladyship, moving in the higher circles, will be so good as to consider
tantamount to knocked over. Small likewise--a name by which I refer to another
party, a friend of mine that your ladyship is not acquainted with--got to be so
close and double-faced that at times it wasn't easy to keep one's hands off his
'ead. However, what with the exertion of my humble abilities, and what with the
help of a mutual friend by the name of Mr. Tony Weevle (who is of a high
aristocratic turn and has your ladyship's portrait always hanging up in his
room), I have now reasons for an apprehension as to which I come to put your
ladyship upon your guard. First, will your ladyship allow me to ask you whether
you have had any strange visitors this morning? I don't mean fashionable
visitors, but such visitors, for instance, as Miss Barbary's old servant, or as
a person without the use of his lower extremities, carried upstairs similarly to
a guy?"
"No!"
"Then I assure your ladyship that such visitors
have been here and have been received here. Because I saw them at the door, and
waited at the corner of the square till they came out, and took half an hour's
turn afterwards to avoid them."
"What have I to do with that, or what have you? I
do not understand you. What do you mean?"
"Your ladyship, I come to put you on your guard.
There may be no occasion for it. Very well. Then I have only done my best to
keep my promise to Miss Summerson. I strongly suspect (from what Small has
dropped, and from what we have corkscrewed out of him) that those letters I was
to have brought to your ladyship were not destroyed when I supposed they were.
That if there was anything to be blown upon, it IS blown upon. That the visitors
I have alluded to have been here this morning to make money of it. And that the
money is made, or making."
Mr. Guppy picks up his hat and rises.
"Your ladyship, you know best whether there's
anything in what I say or whether there's nothing. Something or nothing, I have
acted up to Miss Summerson's wishes in letting things alone and in undoing what
I had begun to do, as far as possible; that's sufficient for me. In case I
should be taking a liberty in putting your ladyship on your guard when there's
no necessity for it, you will endeavour, I should hope, to outlive my
presumption, and I shall endeavour to outlive your disapprobation. I now take my
farewell of your ladyship, and assure you that there's no danger of your ever
being waited on by me again."
She scarcely acknowledges these parting words by any
look, but when he has been gone a little while, she rings her bell.
"Where is Sir Leicester?"
Mercury reports that he is at present shut up in the
library alone.
"Has Sir Leicester had any visitors this
morning?"
Several, on business. Mercury proceeds to a description
of them, which has been anticipated by Mr. Guppy. Enough; he may go.
So! All is broken down. Her name is in these many
mouths, her husband knows his wrongs, her shame will be published--may be
spreading while she thinks about it--and in addition to the thunderbolt so long
foreseen by her, so unforeseen by him, she is denounced by an invisible accuser
as the murderess of her enemy.
Her enemy he was, and she has often, often, often wished
him dead. Her enemy he is, even in his grave. This dreadful accusation comes
upon her like a new torment at his lifeless hand. And when she recalls how she
was secretly at his door that night, and how she may be represented to have sent
her favourite girl away so soon before merely to release herself from
observation, she shudders as if the hangman's hands were at her neck.
She has thrown herself upon the floor and lies with her
hair all wildly scattered and her face buried in the cushions of a couch. She
rises up, hurries to and fro, flings herself down again, and rocks and moans.
The horror that is upon her is unutterable. If she really were the murderess, it
could hardly be, for the moment, more intense.
For as her murderous perspective, before the doing of
the deed, however subtle the precautions for its commission, would have been
closed up by a gigantic dilatation of the hateful figure, preventing her from
seeing any consequences beyond it; and as those consequences would have rushed
in, in an unimagined flood, the moment the figure was laid low--which always
happens when a murder is done; so, now she sees that when he used to be on the
watch before her, and she used to think, "if some mortal stroke would but
fall on this old man and take him from my way!" it was but wishing that all
he held against her in his hand might be flung to the winds and chance-sown in
many places. So, too, with the wicked relief she has felt in his death. What was
his death but the key- stone of a gloomy arch removed, and now the arch begins
to fall in a thousand fragments, each crushing and mangling piecemeal!
Thus, a terrible impression steals upon and overshadows
her that from this pursuer, living or dead--obdurate and imperturbable before
her in his well-remembered shape, or not more obdurate and imperturbable in his
coffin-bed--there is no escape but in death. Hunted, she flies. The complication
of her shame, her dread, remorse, and misery, overwhelms her at its height; and
even her strength of self-reliance is overturned and whirled away like a leaf
before a mighty wind.
She hurriedly addresses these lines to her husband,
seals, and leaves them on her table:
If I am sought for, or accused of, his murder, believe
that I am wholly innocent. Believe no other good of me, for I am innocent of
nothing else that you have heard, or will hear, laid to my charge. He prepared
me, on that fatal night, for his disclosure of my guilt to you. After he had
left me, I went out on pretence of walking in the garden where I sometimes walk,
but really to follow him and make one last petition that he would not protract
the dreadful suspense on which I have been racked by him, you do not know how
long, but would mercifully strike next morning.
I found his house dark and silent. I rang twice at his
door, but there was no reply, and I came home.
I have no home left. I will encumber you no more. May
you, in your just resentment, be able to forget the unworthy woman on whom you
have wasted a most generous devotion--who avoids you only with a deeper shame
than that with which she hurries from herself--and who writes this last adieu.
She veils and dresses quickly, leaves all her jewels
and her money, listens, goes downstairs at a moment when the hall is empty,
opens and shuts the great door, flutters away in the shrill frosty wind.